Metal Lungies

I really like the guys jogging outfit..shit I like hers too!

After such a phenomenal response (telepathic of course, see: 0 comments to the post) to the fart in the shoe aisle story, here is another ‘story’.
So being the gadget whore that I am, I’ve been jogging (or “yogging” as my gf calls it because..she um prefers to make her j’s “soft”) more than usual thanks to apple’s nike+ ipod nano thing that tracks your runs and makes pretty graphs and so on, I’m sure even the grandmas at retirement communities have heard about it by now so I’m not going to explain anymore what it is (OR GOOGLE DAMMIT). So the Jog starts off normal as any other, but before I am 30 seconds into it, a car speeding by with someone sticking out of the passenger window that yells “HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO“, (and reacting as if my only interaction are the rats at petsmart) I jump up and get startled mid-stride as the car passed by me (in retrospect I think it might have been a friend of mine driving by (I SWEAR I HAVE THEM, I HAVE PICTURES!!). Anyway I keep jogging and not a few minutes later thanks to all the wonderful forest chopping they are doing in the county I spot not one, not two but THREE deer on the fucking sidewalk. Being afraid they will triple-team me into naughty things I have to run into the road to run around them. OK that should be enough right? Nope. A few minutes later an early 90’s chevy/ford red pickup truck comes to a crawl and a scruffy looking man with a pony tail, yells out to me if I need a ride.. (??? I wasn’t running from the police.) My elementary schools lessons of not to get into strangers cars overcomes my middle-age sketch looking male fetish, and I just ignore the man and keep running (OK I’m not gonna play it completely tough I sped a up a little). Then with all the lumbering that’s going on to build a new road to the interstate comes a construction site and the sidewalk I had to go through a bit later was really thin because there was an ass load of work near there with a lot of crew (even at 9pm!!), and I noticed there was a mid-20s couple walking senior citizen style in a single file, so I had to zig zag through them and almost fall into a ditch to pass them, as I passed them I heard some grumblings and simply waved in apology, they probably thought I was showing them up. So the rest of the way there weren’t much things to note. But when I got home, I dropped my iced strawberry-kiwi (NO Formula 50 in this house!) vitamin water in kitchen spilling all over, so i just proceeded to roll around and soak it up with my sweaty body (OK that’s a lie, I had to use a roll of bounty paper towels to clean that shit up). Oh yeah, my run was only 6 seconds off my average.
So there you have it kids if you like deer, old men in pickup trucks or other shit, please come to Maryland and jog at 9pm on the streets!

out.