Metal Lungies

Yes, to all of you.

All two of you.

Your team pretty much tanked this past season, to the tune of a 22-60 record. They fired their coach mid-season. They rested their seasoned veterans and gave playing time to their young up-and-comers. They disgruntled their already-disgruntled star, Pau Gasol, even more. Granted, the team wasn’t that great to begin with, so they didn’t have to go too far out of their way to lose games.

But, despite all of that, there was light at the end of the tunnel. The worse they played, the more games they lost, the better percentage they had at getting the #1 or #2 pick in the draft and, in turn, the chance to select either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant, both of whom are being spoken highly of by NBA analysts as potential franchise-saving superstars. Of course, it is just talk, but nonetheless, they didn’t talk this way about Michael Olowakandi or Joe Smith.

For all that patience, all that playing of percentages, all that anticipation, the NBA Draft Lottery came and went last night… and Memphis is not #1. And I don’t mean that in a KRS-One, “I’m number one, two, three, four and FIVE!” sort of way. Memphis is #4, to be exact. They won’t get Oden. They won’t Durant. (That is, barring some sort of trade they pull off with either Portland or Seattle, but really, who would give up Oden or Durant for anything Memphis has?) They won’t even get first dibbs on whoever is left in the draft.

All cruel jokes aside, I really feel bad for (both of) you Memphis Grizzlies fans. I wish I knew of some way to help y’all through the disappointment. Fortunately, I do know of a couple of Memphis natives who can provide some words of advice (mind the dumb girl laughing in the background) …

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e1ZArZDA7U[/youtube]

Oh, and don’t feel left out, Boston Celtics’ fans — if I could have found video of two dudes from Boston jumping around and chanting “KILL YA SELF!”, I would’ve posted that too.

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