Metal Lungies

I appreciate the honesty, Kobe. I mean, if you don’t want to be here, we don’t want you here. It was fun while it lasted, but we’re not gonna beg for you to stay. If it’s really gotten to the point that you’re not happy here, then let’s just make this work out for both of us. [I feel like this is the best approach to ending a relationship, but then again, I’ve never been in a relationship that involved $17 million dollars a year. Perhaps that makes it different?]

But seriously though, why not be upfront about it in the first place? First you want to be traded unless Jerry West comes back, then you want to be “retire a Laker,” and now you want to be traded and “nothing is gonna change your mind”… until something apparently did change your mind. Sorry, Kobe, but at this point, I just don’t care anymore. If a good deal comes along, Lakers, pull the fucking trigger.

As a Lakers fan, I can’t help but be extremely disappointed… but as an optimist, I’m a bit excited. Change is good. Sometimes. Maybe. Who knows? All I know is that Kobe might very well get traded this offseason, so we might as well start exploring possible destinations for him (ESPN’s Bill Simmons sure got off to a quick start). Here’s one that I just farted out (via ESPN’s Trade Machine, which completely ripped off RealGM’s Trade Checker (TM), but actually works better), with potentially many more to come:

Lakers trade Kobe Bryant to New York

New York trades David Lee to Lakers, and Quentin Richardson, Nate Robinson and Jamal Crawford to Boston

Boston trades Paul Pierce to Lakers

For the Lakers

• Pierce can replace Kobe in the starting lineup — obviously not an upgrade, but not too much of a downgrade either. Besides, Pierce is also a hometown product (born in Inglewood, the original home of the Lakers’ Great Western Forum) — some good PR could help the city, and fans, get over the loss of Kobe.
• Yes, Pierce has had some injury concerns in recent years, but you can’t help but wonder how hurt he really was, or if GM Danny Ainge was doubling as team doctor and suggesting Pierce rest as much as possible to secure the team a good draft pick, and a chance at either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant (and how did that work out again?).
• With so many teams likely wanting a shot at trading for Kobe, the Lakers should definitely be looking to snag a low-salaried “consolation prize” from whoever they may trade Kobe to, which, in this scenario, would be Lee. Lee would add some much-needed rebounding and interior toughness to the Lakers. He’s very similar to, and better than, current Laker free agent Ronny Turiaf, who definitely elevated the play of his teammates while he was on the court. And, last year with the Knicks, he played to Eddy Curry’s strengths, which is a good sign for young Laker center Andrew Bynum.

For New York

• Getting Kobe will spark interest, and playoff talk, in New York — 2 things that have been missing from there for a while now.
• The Knicks would still have a pretty good core of players around Kobe — either Stephon Marbury or Steve Francis at point guard (neither have played with a player of Kobe’s caliber since Steph’s days in Minnesota with Kevin Garnett), Jared Jeffries at small forward (good defensive presence, plus Isiah Thomas invested a good amount of money in him; and don’t sleep on Renaldo Balkman, either), Channing Frye at power forward, and Eddy Curry at center.
• They get to cut loose a lot of dead weight in Crawford, Richardson, and Robinson — all 3 have shown glimpses of promise but not really lived up to their potential (unless you count Robinson’s undeserved Slam Dunk title, which you shouldn’t). Having bought out the enormous contracts of players like Allan Houston and Jalen Rose in the past, I don’t think the Knicks would mind actually getting something in return this time.
• It might be difficult for the Lakers to snag Lee, as he is one of the best young rebounders in the league right now, but this is where Laker GM Mitch Kupchak would have to prove himself and play hard ball. If trading for Lee does eventually become a possible deal-breaker, and there’s nothing better on the table, than settling for Balkman wouldn’t be that bad. But still, the Lakers getting Lee would be BIG.
• Also, this scenario might put a damper on the Knicks’ pursuit of Rashard Lewis. However, I think most GMs would be willing to give up on the opportunity for Lewis if Kobe Bryant were available.

For Boston

• You think Pierce wants to put up with the Celtics organization anymore? And Kobe thinks his prime years are being wasted in L.A.! Pierce is a classy guy, but when Allen Iverson asked to be traded out of Philly, the city still respected him because he stuck it out for so long — I could see Boston giving Pierce a similar showing of respect and appreciation. You can’t blame the star player if the organization is shitty. [Yet, somehow, I can’t help but hate Kobe’s guts right now. Go figure!]
• Right now, the only thing that Boston really has going for themselves is big man Al Jefferson, and whoever they select at #5 this year (possibly 7-footer Yi Jianlian from China). So, if they have no choice but to continue rebuilding, they might as well get some scorers in the backcourt (which is what they’d be getting in Crawford, Richardson, and Robinson), and see if any of them can mesh well with Jefferson.