Metal Lungies

David Beckham made big news earlier this year when he signed his 5-year, $250-million contract to leave Real Madrid and join the L.A. Galaxy of the States’ Major League Soccer, which, contrary to previously-popular belief, still exists. Though the money may make it seem otherwise, it’s quite a bold move on Beckham’s part — attempting to revive popularity in a sport that hasn’t seemed to matter since Brandi Chastain showed us all her sports-bra back in ’99. He’s off to a pretty good start, considering how heavily publicized his MLS “debut” was this past Saturday, where his 10+ minutes of jogging along the sidelines was more impressive than his 10+ minutes actually in the game. [Granted, he did have an injured ankle and realistically didn’t have to play.]

Current Knick point guard Stephon Marbury, if you believe a word he says (and he did once say that he was “the best point guard” in the NBA), is following suit, as he recently announced that he plans to play in Italy once his current contract in New York expires, describing it as a “Beckham thing”.

It’s nice to see athletes take such pride in their professions, and, in a sense, themselves, that they would relocate to a new country and take it upon themselves to try and make an impact in that country’s culture. With hip hop music being so competitive here in the U.S., you’d figure maybe a rapper might try to do the same — not just touring to different countries, but to go live somewhere for a while, work with the local artists, help create a scene for hip hop music, and (if all goes well) be praised for starting something.

I present a few suggestions after the jump. And, by the way, don’t take this to mean that I’d like to see these artists shipped out of the U.S. for lack of enjoying their music. I’m actually a fan of these guys well, some of these guys — the last guy in particular I’m not too fond of.

Pharrell – Italy

In his verse on “Mr. Me Too”, Pharrell spoke about chilling in Donatella Versace’s crib, and how Italian heartthrobs could not get rid of him. Well, if he moves there, those heartthrobs wouldn’t have to worry, and with Pharrell being on his fashionista (fashionisto?) shit, I don’t think he’d mind either. I don’t think American hip hop fans would mind much, considering the lack of interest in, and success of, his solo LP In My Mind. Just so long as he keeps supplying beats to The Clipse, and maybe a few others.

Rick Ross – Switzerland

With his heavy-set stature and bushy beard, Rick Ross just doesn’t seem like the type of guy made for warm Miami weather. A cold-climate area might do him some good, or at least keep the pit-stains out of his white T’s. Further, I doubt “Swiss Ross” would lose the motivation to keep rapping about cocaine, considering how much whiteness he’d be surrounded by — the snow-covered Swiss Alps, Swiss cheese… shit, Swiss people.

Noreaga – China

Truth be told, I’m still bitter about China banning our site — a PG rated site, mind you! — from it’s nation’s internet. The Chinese government could use a lesson in chilling out a little bit, and who better than the self-proclaimed “thugginest” (required reading, by the way; all praises due to Noz for digging that up) to show them the way, and throw a little grime on their censorship rules. Nore probably wouldn’t ask for much in return — some ramen noodles, a girl to give him head, and a desk to fit said girl underneath.

Bow Wow – Antarctica

I can’t come up with a good reason to support this idea, but, by the same token, I can’t come up with a good reason not to support it… unless there’s a place in the world more remote than Antarctica.

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