Metal Lungies

[That’s 756 in Supreme Mathematics. Only takes a lesson a day…]

As a sports fan, I have to at least give credit to mention Barry Bonds breaking the home run record last night. I won’t waste your time debating what side to stand on — under the old-timer mentality that refuses to remove Hank Aaron from the throne, or under the mentality of Bonds’ generation who are proud that one of their peers now holds the crown and praise Bonds’ talent over his blatantly obvious assumed steroid use. You could argue either way, really — the sport of baseball was certainly more “pure” at the time that Aaron put his name in the record books; however, if steroids really made the player, how is Bonds head-and-shoulders above the competition (many of whom have taken performance-enhancing drugs themselves) as far as putting fear in opposing pitchers? [Made-Bonds says, “OK, so, make another Bonds.”]

I like baseball, just not as much as football and basketball — so, I don’t care enough to choose a side, but I’m respectful enough to acknowledge a once-in-a-lifetime feat when it happens. My only question, which has bothered me for some time, is this:

If performance-enhancing drugs don’t make you more skilled, then how in the FUCK did Brady Anderson (Brady Anderson!) hit 50 home runs in 1996, and never more than half of that amount in any other season?