Metal Lungies

JD$wag is a freelance writer living in New York and Metal Lungies’ new sports writer. He grew up on the mean streets of the D.C. ‘burbs, and his favorite athlete is Popeye Jones. He’s still mad at that punk Jeffrey Maier for that stunt he pulled against the Orioles in Game 1 of the 1996 ALCS.

Queensbridge’s own Ron Artest isn’t the only Lakers player to have a track under his belt believe it or not. You would think maybe Pau would have a Spanish song akin to Tony Parker’s French pump-up jam “Bienvenue dans le Texas,” which features the likes of Booba. Yes, Booba. Sort of looks like a half-Senegalese Pitbull. (Note, this track is awful, but the echoing dub “Dirty dirty dirty Souf” is quite comical). No Pau, so maybe Lamar Odom would dedicate a slow jam to his bodacious boo Khloe K? I can’t dig anything up. Nope. None of them. Who does that leave? Steve Blake trying to show that he’s the next Yelawolf?

Not so fast. Kobe Bean Bryant, in fact put out a song a few years ago. Giving yet more credence to Kobe’s inflated ego, the song is titled “K.O.B.E,” and it features Tyra Banks. Have a listen. Sort of sounds like Will Smith’s Miami mixed in with a little 3LW, right? Tyra’s chorus is great: “K-O-B-E I L-O-V-E you. I believe you are very fine. If you give me one chance, I promise to love you and be with you forever more.” I wonder how his wife feels about that, especially after well..that little incident in Colorado a few years back. Kobe raps that he lives for “Basketball, beats and broads.” Let’s keep it to the first one, after all, Game Two is tonight.