After over a month of rumors, speculation, and allegation, Atlanta Falcons’ QB Michael “Ron ‘Ookie’ Mexico” Vick — that’s right, now his nickname has a nickname — has been indicted for his role in a dogfighting ring that’s stretched throughout much of the eastern United States. The Smoking Gun has the court documents available for reading, because, well, that’s what they do. The most gruesome of details includes Vick’s alleged involvement in the execution of dogs, by methods such as hanging, drowning, and electrocution, on the Virginia property that he claimed to have never been at. Hopefully, Vick performs better in court than he does in the pocket.

When asked for a comment on Vick’s situation, ML’s legal analyst (who shall remain anonymous, in part because he hasn’t actually been informed of his position as ML’s legal analyst), had this to say:

“He’ll do more time than Paris Hilton.”

Hopefully, he won’t cry as much.