Metal Lungies

On my daily commute to work, the choice of radio programming isn’t something you would expect, it’s not hip-hop or even sportstalk. It’s the news station, which be dropping the traffic reports steady, because DC area traffic stays vicious. It can be the difference between a 30min commute or a 3 hour commute. Anyway, as the rest of the US the area is going through some higher than normal summer temperatures. It’s been the top story on the news for 2 days straight now. So what does the station who’s main audience are lawyers/government employees/shotgun riders of those aforementioned do to spice up the story?.

To the background music of Mims-This Is Why I’m Hot;

Middle aged white news guy #1: Yeah Dawg!

Middle aged white news guy #2: Call me Snooper

After a very brief awkward laughs, they went on their regular news guy talking shtick about the heatwave.

It was so awfully random/funny/cheesy that I jotted it down on paper so I wouldn’t forget to share it with you, our 3 loyal readers.

Kinda made me forgot about T.I. ruining a good song for the evils of sportscenter. Maybe more on that later.

Until we come up with an explanation as to why athletes want to be rappers and rappers want to be athletes, we’ll just to have accept it as inevitable. One thing that separates Famouz, a.k.a. FMZ, a.k.a. ex-New York Giant Reggie Stephens from the likes of Roy Jones, Jr. (who has invested plenty of scrill into his record label, Body Head Entertainment) or Master P (who tried and failed to crack the Toronto Raports roster in the ’90s) is that he didn’t acheive fame in one area before pursuing the other. Originally from Shreveport, Louisiana, Famouz opened for E-40 at 15 years old, before pursuing a football career that started at Santa Cruz High School in California (where he was teammates with current Chicago Bears All-Pro Brendon Ayanbadejo), then at Rutgers University, then to the Giants (where he lasted 4 years as a walk-on), and most recently for the Nashville Kats of the Arena Football League.

His debut album, Ghetto Passport, drops on September 25th on Famouz’s label, World Jam Records (which also includes Delinquent Habits, whom Cali heads may remember from back in the day). Peep the tracklisting below (guest spots from E-40, Bun B and Jon Bon Jovi… yes, Jon Bon Jovi), and check his label’s website for more details and his MySpace page to hear a few songs off the album.

1. Take Off
2. Ghetto Passport
3. Gettin’ It
4. Famouz
5. Trippin’ featuring E-40 & Rankin Scroo’
6. Swervin’
7. Bad Name featuring Jon Bon Jovi
8. Wiggle
9. Push
10. Ahhh…Miami
11. Thug Taboo
12. Voice Mail 1
13. Pheanin’
14. Twist Twist featuring Bun B & Billy Cook
15. Heaven
16. In Too Deep
17. Crunch Time
18. Nothing Can Stop Me
19. Neighborhood Star featuring 5 Ent
20. Landing

UPDATE: The track with Bun is now up at XXL. Perfect timing.

“Live” in the sense that I typed this up as the draft was going on, but not “Live” in the sense that the draft (or, at least, the part of the draft that I wrote about) has been over for a little while now. Enjoy, after the jump, if you want to. If not, I’ll still be satisfied, as live-blogging has proven to be quite a therapeutic exercise — I finally had a reason to be a dick to people who called my house at night.

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The Kings may have hired “Reggie Theus” but the man will always be Bill Fuller to me, from:

God that show was that Saturday tv crack for me. As well as City Guys…C-I-T-Y you can see why these guys the neat guys smart and streetwise.

When I first posted Kobe Trade Scenarios #1 and #2, it was mostly in jest. I say “mostly” because, although I wrote the majority of those posts under the influence of deception and betrayal, by the time “KTS1” actually made it to ML’s front page, Kobe had rescinded his trade demand just moments later (it’s like he was intentionally trying to spite me), and I thereafter made multiple changes what I was planning to post as “KTS2” to reflect that fact — I probably wouldn’t have even posted the 2nd one if I hadn’t finished writing it beforehand (I don’t like to let things go to waste). Little did I know that the 2 teams I had Kobe being traded to in my scenarios, New York and Chicago, are the 2 teams that he wants to be traded to in the midst of his thousandth trade demand since the Lakers’ elimination from the playoffs. [Here’s something to think about — what’s happened more often in the past few weeks? Kobe Bryant demanding a trade or Lil’ Wayne dropping a mixtape?]

In a post on his official website (which speaks to a much greater magnitude then a questionable newspaper report or Kobe running his mouth on the radio), Kobe says that he and Lakers’ owner Dr. Jerry Buss have “two different visions” for the Lakers’ future. I’d say that, as opposed to Kobe’s “fantasy land” vision, Dr. Buss’ vision is more reality-based, considering that teams who lose/get rid of a franchise player like Shaquille O’Neal aren’t exactly competing for championships the next day. It happened to the Orlando Magic when Shaq bounced from there in ’96 (Orlando hasn’t moved past the 1st round of the playoffs since), it’s happening to the Lakers now, and, sorry to break this to any Miami Heat fans reading this, but once Shaq retires, I doubt that y’all will really be making the extra effort to coordinate your outfits so damn well.

As the “resident Laker fan” to many close friends, I’m sick of defending Kobe. Every reason he gives to try to justify his actions of late just smell more and more bullshittier. I especially enjoy the whole “Dr. Buss lied to me”-angle. Now, I’ve got nothing but love for Jerry Buss — his pockets-got-the-mumps bank account has helped together some great rosters in the past. But, honestly, the guy comes off as a kind of sleazy — he’s 74 years old kicking it with Hugh Hefner, with fuck-buddies in their 20s (one of whom was riding shotgun during Dr. Buss’ recent DUI arrest). With his the face of his franchise on the verge of singing elsewhere, he told Kobe what Kobe wanted to hear — something along the lines of “We’ll build a contender again soon.” Dr. Buss purchased the Lakers in 1979 for $67.5 million, and that’s a probably a fraction of his net worth nowadays — I’m sorry, but you don’t get that rich by telling people the truth. If Kobe expects sympathy for taking the bait and falling for Dr. Buss’ sweet-talkin’ ways, then maybe a college education would’ve done him some good.

Kobe also wants to talk about the mistakes the Lakers have made in free agency, yet tries to front like he wasn’t with Magic Johnson and Phil Jackson, dialing up Vladimir Radmanovic at 9 a.m. in Serbia (as someone with relatives in Serbia, I know that Kobe was up at midnight to make that phone call), trying to get him to sign with the team — Vladimir did sign, and his first season was pretty much a disaster. It’s as if one minute Kobe is deep in the thick of things, discussing potential moves with the Lakers’ front office, and then the next minute, he’s on the outside looking in, acting like decisions are made without his input. With this sort of inconsistency of his part, it’s no surprise that Kobe’s changed his mind every other day about wanting to be a Laker.

If there’s anything that disappoints me about this whole ordeal, other than the obvious fact that my favorite NBA team appears on the verge of trading one of the game’s best players in recent memory, it’s the total lack of intrigue. When Shaq and Allen Iverson made their trade demands, there were lots of teams that could’ve been possible destinations for each. Meanwhile, in Kobe’s case, it looks like it’s down to only the Knicks and the Bulls. I’m not buying the hype about the Suns — I just can’t see the Lakers trading Kobe to a team in the Western Conference, let alone a team in their same division.

But, if there is one thing intriguing going on here, it would have to be this website, that claims to have video of Kobe speaking “openly” (i.e. curse words) about his frustration with the Lakers, and claims further that a “private party” offered $100,000 to have this video destroyed.

The video will soon be sold on this site for $1.99, for anyone out there who is still not sick of Kobe. At this point, I couldn’t blame you if you were.

I’ve ranted about ESPN’s (lack of) dedication to being a true sports network before. Last night I saw something straight out of the Spiderman – MLB chronicles of cross promotion gone wrong as I was trying to fall asleep. They have a spot airing that is a cross-promotion of Baseball Tonight & the new Fantastic Four movie.

A description of the ad:

ESPN has teamed with the film on a promotion for its Baseball Tonight series. The commercial has anchor Karl Ravech and analyst John Kruk playing in the ESPN studio with Silver Surfer and Thing action figures. Later, the Thing is playing with bobblehead of Ravech and Kruk, knocking off the head of Kruk’s bobblehead.

I couldn’t sleep knowing grown men like Ravech & Kruk play with action figures of comic book characters. I understand cross-promotion, but Baseball Tonight & Fantastic Four have nothing in common. What’s next Stephen A. Smith dressed as a pirate on the set of NBA Shootaround for the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie?? I’m just glad that they didn’t have Peter Gammons make a joke of himself.
Oh where art thou classic “This Is Sportcenter” ads? (YouTube!)

I think I’ll watch one of my favs to help me fall asleep at work today:

Along with a demand for a trade, a demand for a prescription for some bipolar meds needs to be made. So it looks like Kobe wants a trade in the end after all that back and forth talk, I just heard on Sportscenter (I swear I couldn’t find the remote!) Ric Bucher saying Kobe wants it to be done before draft. To either Phoenix, New York, or Chicago which would still fit in with Buhizzle’s Trade Scenarios #1 & #2. But Phoenix, how the hell would that work? for Shawn Marion+some scraps that make about 3mil? I say it doesn’t matter, no way the Lakers commit western conference suicide by trading to a rival.

And I’m praying that murmurs about Kobe for Gilbert Arenas are just a sick joke. DC loves Gil too much (even though he is going to opt out), plus considering Odom & Jamison are interchangeable, Kobe + Caron Butler didn’t work the first time around, and I highly doubt it would 2nd time around.

If Kobe goes anywhere, my personal guess it will be to the Knicks. Allan Houston, Jalen Rose, Mo Taylor, Shandon Anderson, Jerome Williams come off the books for a grand total of $60 f-n million!! That kinda helps.

Yawning through this season’s NBA Finals made me miss the presence of the Golden State Warriors that much more. Tim Duncan is the best player of the post-Jordan era, and fundamentals are great and all, but, seriously — can a team break 100 points in a game more than once is a championship series? Is that really too much to ask for?

Well, in case you need another reason to like the Warriors, I got one for you, first picked up on by Free Darko — Baron Davis, who also happens to be godfather to The Game’s son, can SPIT! [And the dude before him, Mr. Drastick, is pretty tight as well.] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeDeoCSNEMA[/youtube]

Granted, it’s no “Supercalifragelistic Shaq is alidocious”, or “Come to me with faggot tendencies, you’ll be sleepin’ where the maggots be”, but it certainly isn’t bad, especially for a freestyle. We need to see some more NBA stars shows off their mic skills, and hope that it might lead to can get a “Part 2” to this masterpiece.

Simply put, I don’t want Kobe to be traded, unless he wants to be traded. Put even simpler, I don’t know if Kobe wants to be traded. It seems like the turmoil from yesterday has died down significantly (… or not), so I won’t keep drawing up trade scenarios for Kobe — I’m sure the Laker haters (I know y’all are out there) are sick of this nonsense already. But all I’m saying is, if trading Kobe is in the Lakers’ future, it’s better done now than later.

The reason the Lakers got hosed so badly when they traded Shaq (besides the incompetence of their front office) was because they drew out the process way too long, and, in the end, they were left with no better offer than Lamar Odom (a solid player in his own right), Caron Butler (eventual trade bait, sadly) and Brian Grant (a massive contract). Teams saw that they didn’t have to convince the Lakers to give up Shaq, and thus, they saw the opportunity to possibly get him for a discount. If Kobe can change his mind in a matter of 6 hours, then what’s to say what tomorrow holds? The Lakers have a choice to make (and I thank all that is holy that it’s not my choice to make) — either see what’s available for Kobe now and possibly snag a franchise player (a la Paul Pierce, or perhaps Tracy McGrady or Joe Johnson) or a combination of playoff-tested veterans (see below); OR risk Kobe waking up on the wrong side of the bed next week, deciding again that he wants to be traded, and potentially set the franchise back another few seasons by having no choice but to trade Kobe for spare parts.

Last post, I brainstormed Kobe going to the New York Knicks. While that would be great for the NBA, the Knicks’ organization, Madison Square Garden, New York City, and Kobe’s wallet, it probably wouldn’t get him that much closer to that NBA championship which he so desires, even in the weaker Eastern Conference. There is a place in the Eastern Conference, however, where Kobe could play for a team that is nipping at the heels of title contention, has a solid young core of players, and has a statue outside of the greatest player to ever play basketball, and quite possibly the only man that Kobe is not better than.

There are two ways that the Chicago Bulls could go about trying to acquire Kobe from the Lakers while keeping within NBA salary rules. Their young core of Ben Gordon, Luol Deng, Chris Duhon, Tyrus Thomas and whoever they select with the #9 pick in the draft — that’s 5 players total — all make something in the range of $3-4 million/year, and when Kirk Hinrich’s contract extension kicks in, he’ll be set for $11 million (!!) next season. In order to get Kobe, the Bulls would have to trade about 4 of the 5 players in that group, or Hinrich and 2 of the players in that group, to the Lakers, which would pretty much leave the Bulls with Kobe, Ben Wallace, a couple secondary guys, and a pretty barren roster afterwards.

The other way for the Bulls would be a straight-up trade of Kobe for Ben Wallace. The Bulls have pretty much accepted that they overpaid for Wallace last offseason, and while Big Ben improved their already-stellar defense, their offense remained pretty inept at times, especially against Detroit in the playoffs. However, trading Kobe for Ben Wallace straight up would be worse than the Shaq trade. No need for the Lakers to be the laughing stock of the NBA twice in the last 3 years (if that hasn’t already happened).

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I appreciate the honesty, Kobe. I mean, if you don’t want to be here, we don’t want you here. It was fun while it lasted, but we’re not gonna beg for you to stay. If it’s really gotten to the point that you’re not happy here, then let’s just make this work out for both of us. [I feel like this is the best approach to ending a relationship, but then again, I’ve never been in a relationship that involved $17 million dollars a year. Perhaps that makes it different?]

But seriously though, why not be upfront about it in the first place? First you want to be traded unless Jerry West comes back, then you want to be “retire a Laker,” and now you want to be traded and “nothing is gonna change your mind”… until something apparently did change your mind. Sorry, Kobe, but at this point, I just don’t care anymore. If a good deal comes along, Lakers, pull the fucking trigger.

As a Lakers fan, I can’t help but be extremely disappointed… but as an optimist, I’m a bit excited. Change is good. Sometimes. Maybe. Who knows? All I know is that Kobe might very well get traded this offseason, so we might as well start exploring possible destinations for him (ESPN’s Bill Simmons sure got off to a quick start). Here’s one that I just farted out (via ESPN’s Trade Machine, which completely ripped off RealGM’s Trade Checker (TM), but actually works better), with potentially many more to come:

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