Metal Lungies

You thought chapter 16 didn’t offer much? With chapter 17 it looks like they are really starting to streeeeeeeeetch it out. We don’t even have much thoughts.

• Sylvester is going to joint GLAAD fo sho.
• Thank god Twan didn’t forget his velour jacket, otherwise even considering starting a fire with the jacket still inside would be plain silly.

Here is a highly disappointed PD:

Chapter 17:
Why was Sylvester going to shoot them if he didn’t like it?
There is absolutely no lyrical flow to this chapter…in fact, there are hardly any lyrics at all in this chapter so far…wait, that’s it? WTF? That’s not a chapter, that’s a paragraph.

Wow, After all that Chapter 16 is sort of a letdown. Here’s hoping its like a slow 24 episode that just leads up to a lot of crazy shit, because this chapter didn’t do much.

• It looks like Twan doesn’t cause  high blood pressure, but rather some pimping smacking turrets syndrome spinoff  to kick in.
• Sylvester is a good life coach.
• Will Sylvester’s cigarette start an inferno?

Of course here is PD:

Chapter 16:
 Roxanne says, (sound)
 Tina busting out the twitchy eye…not exactly Oscar-worthy.
 I don’t have any idea where this whole epic is going right now. I mean, I never really did, but now? Even less.
 A pimp hit her in the eye and that made her develop a nervous condition? You sure that’s not a physical condition, Roxanne?
 Within 20 seconds, Twan is convinced to leave the streets behind and start a new life with Tina. But then Roxanne drops the bombshell.
 This was probably, no, definitely, the worst chapter in the whole series so far. I hope R. starts stepping his game up after this. If it’s just going to be this kind of ongoing argument, I might as well go watch Maury.

As promised! First watch Chapter 15 here. THEN read:

• Looks like the n-bombs are gonna start dropping like shit in WWII from here on out.
• Seems like Twan didn’t enjoy his 3 years huh? You’d think based on his physique, pause, that he would be running shit in jail? We need elaboration on his jail bid.
• Sending people to the moon is a threat? Aren’t people like Lance Bass (nh) willing to pay like gazillion money for that?
• Where does the skillet disappear to by the end of the chapter??
• Green screen scenes are just jaw-dropping.
• R. Kelly kinda read our mind after this chapter we too were going “Yeah. Yeah” in a serious tone.
• Oh yeah, is Twon wearing a knockoff Cubs hat? That shit doesn’t look like New Era fitted. Wearing a hat to match your outfit that’s NOT a New Era is urban fashion suicide.

PD’s Take:

Chapter 15:
Twan makes a Laverne and Shirley reference. That was unexpected.
“Bitch, don’t ‘Hey Twan’ me.”
Twan is rough, man.
“Then what? THEN WHAT?”
I don’t understand the issues with Tina and Roxanne at this point.
“Reckless endangerment.”
THE HELICOPTER! Bwaahaha.
I’m relatively sure the one cop is Principal Onyx Blackman from “Strangers with Candy.”
Oh shit. The saga just keeps dropping bombs. Twan was going to be Tina’s baby daddy. Or maybe…he is? Where’s the baby? Dammit, don’t keep me waiting another day!

I know I’ve never posted all the videos on here, I tried once but the post came out FUBARed, but I’m sure you’ve seen them all otherwise.Well, finally the masterful series is back. You can view a new episode each day all the way up to chapter 22 over at IFC.

Ch.13 Highlights:

• R. Kelly as an old man minus the unplanned golden showers.
• “you’re crazier than a fish with titties”

Ch. 14 Highlights:

• The perverted way R. Kelly says “thicker” to introduce chapter 14.
• Thankfully, R. Kelly not playing a waitress.
• Twan feeling the music a bit too much on his own.
• Trying to guess based on lips, pause, who Twan’s info connect is.

Note: does anyone buy the DVD of this? Thats like buying a DVD of youtube videos.

Check back tomorrow for Ch.15 thoughts.

(Sorry for no embeds, looks like IFC is trying to keep their shit exclusive like a mixtape dj.)

EDIT: ML Homie and more importantly self proclaimed TITC expert historian, PD will be providing his daily analysis as the rest of the chapters are unveiled. Here are his musings for chapters 13 & 14.

Chapter 13:
After a completely enlightening “Chapter 12.5” to catch everybody up, the legendary saga resumes, complete with commentary from R.
Sylvester does not appreciate Twan’s wearing his hat crooked. That’s just Twan. Don’t try to change him.
“Said you crazier than a fish wit titties” should become a well-known saying. I’ve already started using it.
I hope the Rosie the Nosy Neighbor subplot pays off, ’cause I’m just not feeling it right now. But I’m sure R. will make it work. You’ve got R. in full Eddie Murphy mode here as an old man who makes responses like “What you lookin’ at…what you lookin’ at…hmm?” (Which is pretty funny, actually.)
Classic exchange:
“I hope a pigeon fly by here and shit on your face.”
“If it do…if it do…then I’m goin’ wipe the shit on you.”

Chapter 14:
First of all, that is the craziest diner I’ve ever seen. It’s a dive and a classy joint at once.
Hold up…Sylvester going home with Kathy…was a plan? R. explained before the clip that it was going to get people thinking. Guess what? It worked.
The waitress talk is spot-on.
“Try me…Kathy? (Yes?) …Try me.”
Twan is holding it down, no doubt. Holding it down by just sitting there in the car, enjoying his music.
We’ve got another character…I’ll call him Twan’s Connect for now.
“Do I look like En Vogue?”
But damn, Twan’s Connect is quick with that info. Took him like 5 seconds, tops.
Oh shit. The infamous Tina. And Roxanne!
“We take Tae Bo classes.”
Notice how Twan has to get right down to his wifebeater as soon as he enters.

Ed. Note: failing to mention how neatly Twan places down his clothes when he enters the restaurant, unacceptable!

We haven’t had some DC shit in a bit so here goes:

A former crack addict is local legend as an Elvis impersonator. Only.In.DC. It’s one of those funny/amusing/kinda sad tales all mixed in one glass. Am I a bad person because I thought bad things when I read this:

This is the magic of Blelvis. It is what prompts frat boys to buy him beers, what causes tourists to invite him up to hotel rooms for nightcaps.

Read the whole profile at WaPo, of course. For me, Blelvis seems more likeable than Elvis.

For you old school ML readers you may remember one of our more popular posts from the early days. It’s funny if you go back on our old blogger site entry there are still ignorant people commentating! Now I came across this today:

That’s some old Hollywood hag portraying Lionel Ritchie…WTF? His daughter thinks this is a cool/cute idea? What does he think of this? What do YOU think of this?

First she almost did a song with NWA, now we find out this:

Do your kids turn you on to a lot of music?
My son, the 20-year-old, does, but it’s the kind of stuff that I was into anyway. Like he’s really into gangster rap, which I was kind of into anyway, but he’s a lot more into it than I would be. So he’s introduced me to a lot of Biggie Smalls stuff, which out of the corner of my eye I’d been interested in, but I never would’ve bought one of his records. To me, the rap movement is where you find … I know there’s a lot of shite in there as well, but that’s where you would find what I would call real art insofar as art that’s driven by hunger and necessity, where you have people who otherwise would have had no f***ing life, that didn’t have any education, couldn’t play an instrument, but were able to program a drum machine. Ice Cube, I think, is one of the greatest American poets ever.

She listens to Biggie? Ok, game over, we are praying to the rap gods on some sort of hip hop record featuring Sinead this year.

We may be banned in China, but feel free to bring the kids around these parts:

I’m currently working on a huge hip-hop facts posts that all 3 of our readers should be on the look out fore reaaal soon, but while diggin through some news archives I found this:

Sinead O’Connor and George Bush may not quite be political allies, but they do seem to be on the same side of one hot issue: N.W.A. (Niggas With Attitude), the controversial L.A. rappers who made headlines with their song ”F — – Tha Police.” O’Connor, an ardent hip-hop fan, was scheduled to make a cameo appearance on the band’s forthcoming album, Niggaz 4 Life, but conflicting work schedules got in the way. Meanwhile, the band’s entrepreneurial leader, Eazy-E (above, a.k.a. Eric Wright, 23), jetted off to D.C. for-of all things-a ”Salute to the Commander in Chief” luncheon in Washington on March 18. The National Republican Senatorial Committee sponsored the fete, which featured a speech by President Bush and drew 1,400 Republicans. Wright wore a black leather suit to the event. Why was the rapper and self-proclaimed former drug dealer invited? Apparently his donations to various L.A. charities earned him an invitation to join the fund-raising Republican Senatorial Inner Circle. And Wright’s spokesman says the rapper ”really loves the President. He thinks he’s a great humanitarian and that he did a great job with Desert Storm.” Senators Phil Gramm (R-Texas) and Robert Dole (R-Kansas), who’d asked Wright to attend the banquet, had no comment.

For good or bad, I think my head would explode trying to figure out what a Sinead/NWA track would sound like, I guess the world will never know.

How do you mourn the passing of someone you once praised when that someone is willing to take the life of an innocent woman and child before his own? I’m still trying to figure it out, and the fact that the woman and child in question were that someone’s wife and son is making it that much more difficult.

On my old blog, after learning of the passing of Bam Bam Bigelow, I wrote a post in memory of some of my favorite wrestlers who died young, under such mysterious circumstances — suicides, drug overdoses, heart failures suffered by people barely in their 40s.

Time to add another one to the list. R.I.P. Chris. I really hope it was the steroids that caused this mess, and not you.