Metal Lungies

Per TMZ:

She wants to be bad, but not too bad. Former Nick Carter-girlfriend and future faux Anna Nicole Willa Ford married longtime boyfriend, Dallas Stars hockey player Mike Modano over the weekend. Thursday night, Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton souled-up the VIP area of TAO Las Vegas night club. Also feeling Zen at TAO, NBA player Donyell Marshall and retired baller Mitch Raymond.

I can almost guarantee that they meant to say Mitch Richmond. I bet they wouldn’t call Chris Webber Chris Webster. Yes, I’m still bitter about a certain trade that held the Wizards back for about 6 years. As shocking as this may sound-I guess no one is an NBA fan on TMZ. No one seems to mention in the comments that no “Mitch Raymond” ever played in the NBA.

[That’s 756 in Supreme Mathematics. Only takes a lesson a day…]

As a sports fan, I have to at least give credit to mention Barry Bonds breaking the home run record last night. I won’t waste your time debating what side to stand on — under the old-timer mentality that refuses to remove Hank Aaron from the throne, or under the mentality of Bonds’ generation who are proud that one of their peers now holds the crown and praise Bonds’ talent over his blatantly obvious assumed steroid use. You could argue either way, really — the sport of baseball was certainly more “pure” at the time that Aaron put his name in the record books; however, if steroids really made the player, how is Bonds head-and-shoulders above the competition (many of whom have taken performance-enhancing drugs themselves) as far as putting fear in opposing pitchers? [Made-Bonds says, “OK, so, make another Bonds.”]

I like baseball, just not as much as football and basketball — so, I don’t care enough to choose a side, but I’m respectful enough to acknowledge a once-in-a-lifetime feat when it happens. My only question, which has bothered me for some time, is this:

If performance-enhancing drugs don’t make you more skilled, then how in the FUCK did Brady Anderson (Brady Anderson!) hit 50 home runs in 1996, and never more than half of that amount in any other season?

So I can’t lie, finding this picture gave a good excuse to post this but whateva. Anyway, I was watching an interesting HBO documentary called Rebels of Oakland about 1970’s Oakland Sports teams, and I found out the fact that is the title of this very post. 9 years? With the nickname of “Executive VP” none the less.. did he become a batman at any point (pun not really intended)? I’m jealous at the interesting lives some people live, from A’s batboy to the navy to a rich singer/dancer to broke singer/dancer being down with Tupac, to being a blogger that does records with Scott Storch (which would be used as diss content by Timbaland/D.O.E.).

On my recent vacation, I was treated to a nice dosage of ESPN News in my hotel room. For those that might not know, ESPN News is the 24-hour network that exists because of Sportscenter‘s inability to show a damned boxscore after game highlights (instead, we get debates over whether marrying an actress/model makes you more now than winning championships), and one of many networks that my basic-cable-having ass doesn’t get to watch regularly. It allowed me to closely follow the big news of the week: Kevin Garnett being traded to Boston. Although, realistically, their “up to the minute” coverage basically consisted of them reporting it as a report (with a Timberwolf logo next to KG’s media photo), until at some point reporting it as official news (with a Celtic logo next to KG’s media photo).

So, the tally is: 1 new player for Boston, and 7 new players (including the 2 future draft picks) for Minnesota. However, I think it’s quite clear who the winner is…

Hmmm… donuts…

ESPN analyst Kiki Vandeweghe says that Boston has gone from the doghouse to title contention — and considering how often ESPN News replays the same shit, I’ve got Kiki’s words tattooed in my brain. I say, not so fast, Lil’ Kiki. With KG’s contract extension at 3 years following 2008, and taking into account the average lifespan of an NBA superstar nearing the end of his “prime”, the Celtics have about a 4-year window of opportunity to win a title, and honestly, I think they can get it done by year #3 (2010), perhaps year #2 (2009) if things progress smoothly. But right now, I don’t like their odds.

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Chances are you were born yesterday if you thought that Michael Vick’s indictment on charges of dogfighting was not going to turn into a race issue sooner or later. And if that is the case, then don’t feel bad, young’n — your reading level is impeccable considering that you exited your mother’s womb a mere 24 hours ago.

Yahoo!’s Dan Wetzel illustrates the scene outside of the courthouse where Vick pled not guilty to the charges against him last week — on one side, an overwhelmingly-white crowd suggesting Vick “burn in hell” and “die like those dogs,” and using language much more colorful than that (certainly not what our readers who were born yesterday should be reading). And, on the other side, an overwhelmingly-black crowd defending Vick’s Constitutional right to be considered “innocent until proven guilty,” and choosing not to vilify a man whose “day in court” (by that I mean his trial, not his arraignment) has yet to arrive.

I doubt that I’m shocking anybody by saying that black people and white people don’t see eye to eye on plenty of issues. Of course, I’m speaking quite stereotypically here, but that’s because, for the most part, stereotypes are rather truthful. If I had the time to, I would speak upon every single exception to every stereotype that exists, but since I can’t, I’ll just apologize in advance to all Asians with poor math skills, all white people who don’t walk holding their butts tight, and all black men with less-than-average-sized penises (nh). Moving on…

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Everyone and their step-grandmother (is that possible to have?) has covered the Michael Vick story, wait, hey even WE did! I have just one brief musing on the whole matter. After his first day in court, Vick issued a heartfelt statement..to be read by his lawyer, way to be upfront & directly fight the allegations against you. He might have as well had KITT read it, the sense of sincerity would be equal.

You know we’ve shown our appreciation for Ali Vegas before, so naturally I’m stoked to be hearing music off of his waaaaaayyyy overdue debut album . I’m hearing the album drops Jan 2008 on Rich Soil (owned by Lamar Odom) via Asylum. Anyways check out the new Ali Vegas:
Mp3 Link.

David Beckham made big news earlier this year when he signed his 5-year, $250-million contract to leave Real Madrid and join the L.A. Galaxy of the States’ Major League Soccer, which, contrary to previously-popular belief, still exists. Though the money may make it seem otherwise, it’s quite a bold move on Beckham’s part — attempting to revive popularity in a sport that hasn’t seemed to matter since Brandi Chastain showed us all her sports-bra back in ’99. He’s off to a pretty good start, considering how heavily publicized his MLS “debut” was this past Saturday, where his 10+ minutes of jogging along the sidelines was more impressive than his 10+ minutes actually in the game. [Granted, he did have an injured ankle and realistically didn’t have to play.]

Current Knick point guard Stephon Marbury, if you believe a word he says (and he did once say that he was “the best point guard” in the NBA), is following suit, as he recently announced that he plans to play in Italy once his current contract in New York expires, describing it as a “Beckham thing”.

It’s nice to see athletes take such pride in their professions, and, in a sense, themselves, that they would relocate to a new country and take it upon themselves to try and make an impact in that country’s culture. With hip hop music being so competitive here in the U.S., you’d figure maybe a rapper might try to do the same — not just touring to different countries, but to go live somewhere for a while, work with the local artists, help create a scene for hip hop music, and (if all goes well) be praised for starting something.

I present a few suggestions after the jump. And, by the way, don’t take this to mean that I’d like to see these artists shipped out of the U.S. for lack of enjoying their music. I’m actually a fan of these guys well, some of these guys — the last guy in particular I’m not too fond of.

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After over a month of rumors, speculation, and allegation, Atlanta Falcons’ QB Michael “Ron ‘Ookie’ Mexico” Vick — that’s right, now his nickname has a nickname — has been indicted for his role in a dogfighting ring that’s stretched throughout much of the eastern United States. The Smoking Gun has the court documents available for reading, because, well, that’s what they do. The most gruesome of details includes Vick’s alleged involvement in the execution of dogs, by methods such as hanging, drowning, and electrocution, on the Virginia property that he claimed to have never been at. Hopefully, Vick performs better in court than he does in the pocket.

When asked for a comment on Vick’s situation, ML’s legal analyst (who shall remain anonymous, in part because he hasn’t actually been informed of his position as ML’s legal analyst), had this to say:

“He’ll do more time than Paris Hilton.”

Hopefully, he won’t cry as much.

A serious opponent to EA Sports’ Madden juggernaut?