Metal Lungies

Only Rappers would get asked to sign books that are completely unrelated to them.  Judging by the confusion as to the meaning of ‘Off That’, Beck & O’Reilly didn’t pick up Blueprint 3.  “Peace, Bill. Off that.”

Via Gawker

Not to be outdone by Method Man’s entry into the Graphic Novel game, Ghostface tells his story:

CELL BLOCK Z is the gripping story of heavyweight contender Cole Dennis, whose charisma and willpower make him a symbol of justice amidst urban chaos.  However, Dennis is framed and wrongfully imprisoned for murder, and becomes the primary target in a scheme turning inmates into dangerous bioweapons.  Refusing to accept this fate, Dennis becomes the destructive Ghostface Killah, and contends this time, in the fight for his life in Cell Block Z.

Comes out 6.29.09, expect an ML review even sooner.

Kid Flash and Solomon Grundy stood behind me in line for the coat check posing for pictures. For every picture, Grundy threw out his arms and roared. It takes a lot to get a New Yorker’s attention, but after the second or third roar, I had to turn around and get a proper look at the guy; his hands and face were painted white and he was wearing a suit with an unbuttoned shirt revealing a white chest. His costume was meticulously detailed from head to toe. The only unavoidable breach of character was the giant kid-in-a-candy-store grin on his face.

Comic Con is where thousands of people come to celebrate their niche interests. And not just comics, but video games, anime and anything else that has ever been decried as “nerdy.” If you call something nerdy at Comic Con and you’re not being sarcastic, ironic or just a smart ass, then you’re the one who’s weird, not the guy dressed as Captain America. Comic Con is where the uncool are honored.

(continued after the break)

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At Metal Lungies, we eat, sleep and poop hip-hop. But sometimes, we get tired of the violence, drugs and stupidity. When that happens, we listen to Kid Cudi, Kanye West and other more lighthearted musical fare. But then we eventually get tired of the inane lyrics, ephemeral dance tracks and stupidity. And when that happens, we find other stuff to do, like attending New York Comic Con this weekend!

Here is my itinerary for Friday and Saturday. I have very little planned for Sunday, so I’ll probably just browse the booths for free stuff something cool. And feel free to recommend anything from the this list.

Friday

2:00 – Electronic Arts

3:30 – Atari

5:30 – Futurama: Into The Wild Green Yonder, screening

7:00 – Prototype: The Video Game, presentation

Saturday

11:00 – Watchmen, Terminator Salvation, and Friday the 13th (Warner), panel

12:30 – Gabe and Tycho Spotlight, panel

1:00 – Star Wars Decade: Where Were You in ’99? panel

2:30 – Disney Presents Up and Surrogates, panel

3:30 – SouthPeak

5:30 – Up Preview Screening

Sunday

1:30 – Watchmen: Portrait of A Movie, panel

Other

Sega probably has the strongest showing in terms of games, so I’m definitely checking them out. And THQ might have something cool too.

As you can see, there’s very little that’s hip-hop related, but I think we can all use a break. And if it makes you feel better, someone told me the next Beat Drop is coming real soon.

Faith Evans’ relevance to hip-hop and R&B has been cut down to her being one of the original members of the Bad Boy family and her being married to hip-hop’s beloved icon, The Notorious B.I.G. Faith, or (ghost?)writer Aliya S. King, recognizes this and opens the book with the night of Biggie’s death. The prologue sees Faith showing up at a party at Andre Harrell’s house in LA after a Vibe magazine party only to be told by Heavy D, “Faith. Get back in the car. You need to get to the hospital. I think something happened to Big.” Keep the Faith constantly struggles with the fact that most people will read this book because of Faith’s connection to Big and her involvement in a number of scandals and controversies. But that’s not to say that she doesn’t have anything interesting to say.

The earlier parts of Faith’s memoir didn’t interest me much. Maybe it’s because I’m an insensitive young man, but Faith recounting her teenage experiences with her abusive drug-dealer boyfriend and her abortions were just a little too Lifetime movie-ish for me. Put it in an angry rap song and maybe I’ll be more interested. Regardless, these parts are necessary to show who exactly Faith is. An interesting piece of trivia from this part is that Faith grew up around a guy named Reggie who would later become Redman, and they dated too. Faith never goes into detail about their relationship, but Red is attributed this darling little quote: “You need me to fuck somebody up? ‘Cause I’ll fuck a nigga up for you. You know that.”

It’s also interesting to see an artist rise from singing in her church to having a number one song. Faith goes from hanging around the studio with Christopher Williams to working with Al B. Sure to writing songs with Mary J. Blige.

The book’s greatest asset is its priceless depictions of Big and Puff. Big is characterized as being a man of few words with infinite confidence. Faith first met Big at a Bad Boy photo shoot. She was looking through an envelope of pictures from a party when a fat, lazy-eyed  Biggie Smalls sat down next to her and asked, “Can I see your pictures?” Puff on the other hand, comes off as a loud and demanding boss who’s all about the money. Faith tells a story from the early Bad Boy days when some producer made the mistake of saying he had to be somewhere and Puff responded, “Did you just say you needed to get out of here? This nigga just told me he needs to leave. Do y’all believe this shit?” Puff shows a much darker side later when he screams on a mourning Faith to get her to perform “I’ll Be Missing You” with him at the VMAs.

There are plenty of great stories from the Bad Boy days: Faith picking up Usher to go to the studio and having to wait for him to finish his homework, Faith and Big going to Busch Gardens and Faith buying a wedding ring from a man named Jacob who would end up becoming hip-hop’s official provider of shiny things.

And then there’s the scandal. As Faith recalls, she was hanging out at the Hollywood Athletic Club in LA and 2Pac sent Treach from Naughty by Nature over to get them introduced. 2Pac told her he wanted to record a song with her and after she got the go ahead from Big, she agreed. The next night at another party, Pac made sure to be seen with Faith all night. Later, Pac personally picked up Faith from her hotel in a Benz to take her to the studio. Apparently, Faith hadn’t heard that Pac was signed to Death Row and became terrified at this point. Suge Knight came over and gave her a friendly hello and she was asked to record vocals for “Wonda Why They Call U Bitch” which Faith complains “wasn’t really that good.” Sorry Faith, I’m going to respectfully disagree on that one. Faith ends up going to Pac’s hotel to be paid where he tells her “This situation with the money is like this, if I give it to you, then you my bitch.” He also adds, “You know you want to suck my dick, bitch! Don’t fucking lie.” Faith runs away crying and is never paid. Despicable as Pac’s behavior may be, it’s still great to see him using his enemy’s wife for his a scheme and living up to his alias by being truly Machiavellian.

One of the frustrating aspects of Faith’s tell-all memoir is that she stops short of revealing certain details. Names are often withheld and it’s obvious she isn’t telling the whole story. There’s a producer she only refers to as Terry Dollars who she admits to sleeping with a few times who later stiffed her on some money, but for whatever reason Faith won’t give his real name.

Some bias is also evident. Faith makes sure to pull out stories about Big’s mistresses Lil Kim and Charli Baltimore whenever she can. She recalls Charli calling up after Big died and claiming ownership of one of his cars and Ms. Wallace telling Kim she couldn’t come out to LA with her when he died. Early on, Big is seen screaming at Kim, telling her she could easily be replaced by Foxy Brown.

A major problem is that parts are fishy. All too often, Faith portrays herself as the innocent party. So many incidents start off with her saying she had no idea what was going on at the time. Did she really not know that 2Pac was signed to Death Row, the biggest independent label at the time, which was run by a man that is known for beating people down and making a guy drink urine? Did nothing happen between her and Pac despite all the weed and alcohol in the room? Also, it’s impossible that all of the quotes are accurate unless Faith recorded every minute of her life. The fabrications are obvious at times; Faith has an epiphany about her life at Big’s funeral after Mary J. Blige snubs her, which conveniently gives the book a well-placed climax.

It should be noted that Keep the Faith comes before the release of the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, Notorious. Faith is likely trying to tell her own side of the story before the movie comes out and says otherwise.

For the hip-hop head, Keep the Faith may be disappointing because it doesn’t really tell the type of stories that heads like to hear. When it comes to legends, we hip-hoppers like to hear stories about Big going to Pete Rock’s house and asking to watch him make a beat (which actually happened). Faith tells us plenty about the man behind the mic, but not enough about the music. A prime example of this is when Faith goes with Big to D&D Studios where he would record “Unbelievable”. Faith writes that she later learned that Big told Premo that he was going to marry her, which is a cute story, but most would like to hear more about what it was like when the greatest rapper of all time and the greatest producer of all time were in the studio together. Keep the Faith is heavy on drama and isn’t really meant for music lovers.

Miss Info may be posting scans (slightly out of order) faster than Rick Ross can write a parking ticket, but Metal Lungies will have a full review of Faith Evans’ tell-all memoir soon. It’s taking longer than expected because the last book I read was Harry Potter. Every titillating gossipy detail will be revealed, from Faith’s late-night escapades to Biggie’s favorite kind of pie. And the beef, oh yes the beef.

Let me preface this review with the acknowledgement that  I have never before read a graphic novel and that my only experience with comics is Garfield, Calvin and Hobbes, a handful of webcomics and of course the recent wave of comic book movies (Dark Knight in IMAX is still sold out, WTF). Forgive me if I accidentally criticize something that’s conventional of graphic novels.

Method Man tells the story of a chapter in the life of Peerless Poe, once a member of The Clandestine Order of the Sacred Method (or Method Men), who defected to solve street crimes on his own. As a great evil rises, Poe must side with his old team again to save the world. The character of Peerless Poe is obviously based on one of hip-hop’s most beloved personalities: the blunt-smoking, stage-diving master entertainer, Method Man. Having met him, I can assure you he’s every bit as cool as he seems.

The setting and atmosphere is entirely worthy of the Wu-Tang logo on the title page. Both the Method Men and the rising threat they face are rooted in Biblical events. The charm of the story is that at the center of all the Bible references and talk of ancient traditions, there’s ghetto ass Peerless Poe who likes weed, sex and money. This directly parallels Wu-Tang, which mixes Chinese  folklore, by way of 60s/70s kung fu flicks, with grimy beats and equally grimy raps. In that regard, Method Man is on point. And also, there are ninjas, which just seals the deal.

My main problem is that the story just feels rushed. Poe’s character is barely established before three forgettable characters are hastily introduced. The group quickly moves from place and before you know it, the whole thing is over. There’s even a cheap little love story in the middle of it too.

My other gripe is that there isn’t enough of what makes the whole thing special, namely Peerless Poe. His presence is reduced to a quip here and there. The allure of Wu-Tang is the result of a calculated balance between kung fu and hip hop. On “Da Mystery of Chessboxin,'” there’s four lines dialogue from Five Deadly Venoms and then it launches into a full-fledged rap song with kind of a kung fu twinge. The problem with Method Man is that most of the time, all Poe does is react to stuff in a funny way; he encounters an enemy and says, “King-of-Hell-Devil Fist Style? N—a what?”. He takes a backseat to all the things going on around him. Unfortunately, Peerless Poe is only a hair above all the rest of the wisecracking action heroes.

I’m not going to act like I have any kind of eye for art, but I liked the way the characters are drawn. Peerless Poe and his cohorts (peers?) are slickly drawn, but the creatures on the other hand are pretty generic.

Method Man is a fun read despite its problems. Ultimately though, this graphic novel is meant for the die-hard Wu-Tang fans who will appreciate the scattered, though obvious, Wu references.

And to anyone who knows more about comics than I do, recommend me something good!

Via 50 Minutes To Live

Tical’s comic book is actually coming out, and more information has been released since we posted about it last December. According to Amazon, Method Man will be a lean 110 page paperback. Meth cowrote the comic with David Atchison and artist Sanford Greene.

Here’s an amusingly typo-filled plot summary from the book’s Amazon entry

Private investigator Mosley Paine hasn’t always been a P.I. Before retiring to civillian life, he was a top agent of an international conspiracy known as the Order of the Secret Method, a deeply religious assembly of elite “murder priests”, descended from the Biblical Cain, who hunt creatures thought only to exist in Biblical myth. Though an excellent Method Man, Mosley suffered expulsion from the sect when it was discovered that he was having an affair with the irresistable daughter of Grand Arch Occisor d’Arc, head of the organization. But when Mosley’s arch nemisis enemy–a Leviathan of giant proportions–reappears stronger than ever and threatens to destroy all that is good, Mosley is convinced to rejoin the Secret Method to lead the epic fight against it.

The book drops on July 23rd from Grand Central Publishing.

ML readers know I’m a big fan of Mr. Rabin’s work. He recently started a great monthly feature at the A.V. Club called The Silly Little Show-Biz Book Club. Here’s a little intro to the series:

Reading has taken on a lot of unfair, unfortunate associations through the years. Through no fault of its own, reading has become associated with intelligence, knowledge, book-learning, libraries, colleges, librarians, and education. I’m here to tell you, that’s all a bunch of horseshit. To me, reading isn’t a pathway to self-actualization, or a magic ticket to a land of wonder and imagination. On the contrary, it’s nothing more than a way to waste time in the least productive manner imaginable. When I want to turn off my brain, I pick up a quickie celebrity biography or half-assed show-biz memoir instead of watching television. That’s why I am officially starting a new monthly feature, The Silly Little Show-Biz Book Club. It’s a forum to discuss the junk food of the literary universe: stupid, superficial pop ephemera destined not to outlast its fleeting cultural moment. When Axl Rose’s maid writes a lurid tell-all, I’ll be there. Wherever a half-assed boy-band has-been feels the need to sing out about his life in the pages of a ghostwritten memoir, I’ll be there. I will read all these terrible books so you don’t have to. It’s my latest attempt to transform the stupid, pointless shit I do in my free time into the stupid, pointless shit I am obligated do for my job.

His latest entry in the series is his review of Karrine “Super-Head” Steffans’ Confessions Of A Video Vixen. Here’s a brief excerpt from a passage about Karrine’s encounter with Fred Durst, with Rabin’s commentary in italics:

“Fred ordered five different entrées, just for himself. I was confused but I didn’t want to seem young and inexperienced, so I just watched his movements… He was grand, taking tiny forkfuls from each dish and repeating that move a few times. Then, just that fast, he was done, leaving the majority of the food behind. I was in awe. I had never really wasted food before, and right then I knew that one day I would be able to eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and summon someone to take the plates away…With all of his tattoos, body piercing and worn way of dress Fred had an air of prestige. I silently hoped for him to want me.”

Oh, Durst wants her all right. For he is that rarest breed of man: the kind that will gladly accept a no-strings-attached blowjob from an attractive stranger. I similarly love how impressed Steffans is by Durst’s flaming douchebaggery. I just hope there was a malnourished orphan staring wistfully at Durst as he sent away plate after plate of food, more or less uneaten. He could have followed this performance by wiping his ass with a towel full of highly concentrated AIDS vaccine, then topped it off by urinating lustily into the water supply of an impoverished Indian village.

You should read his first article in the series too, a review of Rollin’ With Dre by Bruce Williams, an unauthorized account of Williams’ experience with Dr. Dre. Really funny ish.

I didn’t actually cop this. Rather, my brother copped it for me. Its the life story of MF Grimm. The format is a comic book and is spans his whole career (up to American Hunger). Very interesting stuff. I didn’t even know dude was on Sesame Street?!

Seems like kind of a downer at the end, but Grimm seems positive. Read it. You’ll see.